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Joke of the Day

"Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom! #HappyBirthdayBob"

"My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with The Monkeys. I thought she was kidding... ...and then I saw her face."

"Good night everyone. There's a pillow with my name on it. It's a long story. But basically, I had a brief obsession with needlework."

"[furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn't spanish me: ya see"

"When Martin Cooper invened the cell phone... ... he already got 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris."

"Why are there so many Indians working with telemarketing? Because they have the biggest cow center."

"What do you call a French whore? Lahore."

"My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for ""minimal lettuce."" He said he was sorry but they only had iceberg."

"What's the difference between a tribal tattoo and /r/jokes? A tribal tattoo makes you laugh."

"They agree I'm funny I started my new job at the retirement center today. Told the residents that I'm a really funny guy. They didn't understand any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves."