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Joke of the Day
"I touch myself when I think of you. It's a facepalm, but I am thinking of you."
Next Joke
"Why did the peadophile sign up for Netflix? He liked chillin."
"[talking with ex] Me: Is he more boring than me? Her: He is. Me: *devastated* How could you?"
"son: why is my name jesus dad: mom wanted to name u after a rolemodel other son: &me? dad: well Charizard the same reason but it was my turn"
"Only a woman can make you a millionaire if you are a billionaire."
"When I hear commercials say ""win a trip for you and six friends"" I start counting to see if I have six friends."
"I use to have a quantum-sized girlfriend, but she was too quarky for me."
"When asked what it was like getting over a Viagra addiction my buddy said,""Well my first few days were the hardest."""
"I always wear an athletic cup. It's over-protection in a nut shell."
"What's Irish and sits on a deck? Patty O'Furniture"