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Joke of the Day

"Doing the splits is easy -- slip on the first snowy step when taking the dog out and let gravity (and panic) make you an Olympic gymnast!"

"How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? ""I just need some space."""

"Dentist: *Pokes gums with sharp pointy instrament of death* Dentist: ""Your gums are bleeding because you don't floss."""

"A girl quit her job at the doughnut factory... She was fed up with the hole business."

"Netflix is making a documentary on the upcoming presidential inauguration. They're calling it ""Orange is the New Black""."

"[grocery store] Me (chewing): why are these grapes expensive Cashier: We know ppl eat them before they pay Me (still chewing): well I never"

"Hell is full of ugly babies, tinkerbell tshirts and fat women debating the tastiness of frozen meals.....oh wait. This is just walmart"

"Pro tip: when a cop asks you to step out of the car, don't reply with ""I'm too drunk, you get in."""

"The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it..."

"Boy that Neil Patrick Harris is a real, man's man."