193566

Joke of the Day

"You know how in restaurants they often ask you if you prefer bottled water or tap water? In Flint, the waiter asks you, ""Regular or Unleaded?"""

"I used to say that I wanted to make ridiculous amounts of money. I think I should have chosen my words more carefully :("

"Me: I'm going to bed after this episode. Netflix: Hahahahahaha! Sure. Ok."

"You know that you have a terrible sense of humor... when you find that click-baiting is funny"

"I phoned in sick today ""Exactly how sick are you?"" ""Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."""

"Q: How many Survivors does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One to start screwing it in and the rest to vote 'em off the ladder."

"I have a confession too Oprah. For years I have been stealing statuses from all over the Internet and passing them off as my own original thoughts."

"What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A roamin catholic"

"The flower had an unexpected pregnancy... So it went to Plant Parenthood."

"A Man to a lady sitting next to him in flight. Man: ""Which perfume do you use ? It smells good. I want to buy one for my wife."" Lady: ""Please don't. Some idiot will have an excuse to talk to her."""