180210

Joke of the Day

"I phoned in sick today ""Exactly how sick are you?"" ""Well, I'm in bed with my 12 year old niece."""

"If she farts in front of your parents repeatedly just for the reaction then she's a keeper."

"If you're dying, and have recently lost your car keys, take the opportunity, as your life flashes before your eyes, to try to spot them!"

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? IT'S BEEN DECADES, SOMEONE TELL ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE."

"Jesus: Unless you become like children you will not enter heaven *Gets hit by a water ballon* Jesus: That's not what I meant, Paul"

"To all /r/Jokes subs you really need the A"

"Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs."

"A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with ""treats"" so he stays interested."

"What's the difference between garbanzo beans an chickpeas? I don't have to play $50 for a garbanzo bean in my face."

"Sit down and let me tell you a story. Once Upon A Time......last night......I had a few drinks and......borrowed your credit card."