193529

Joke of the Day

"""30 shots of espresso NOW."" *barista's eyes widen* Whoa what do you do for a living? ""I STAY AWAKE FOR A LIVING!"" *roundhouse kicks barista*"

"I heard someone got shocked by their Ford... that must stang."

"A mushroom goes into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, 'We don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom says, ""Why not? I'm a fungi."""

"Are you addicted to masturbation? Reach out to me and we can beat it together."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one. We are very efficient and not very funny..."

"What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster? One drinks bleach and watches spirits; the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach."

"LAWYER: [whispers] i did the murder [loudly] read that back? STENOGRAPHER: ""I Did The Murder."" JUDGE: omg the stenographer just confessed"

"What does a wolf lick a ram with? His tungsten"

"I think the main issue with 'The Hunger Games' is that while her life is at stake, boy problems are still presented as legitimate threats."

"How do you tell an introvert and an extrovert mathematician apart? When talking to you, the extrovert mathematician looks at *your* shoes."