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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to open up an opticians that also sells jewellery and handbags It'll be called Assess your eyes."

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"if you can't handle me at my worst, you're probably that gutless Outback Steakhouse shift manager who called the cops on me last night"
"An older gentlemen wins a scratch ticket Win for life"
"If you're a guy who just had sex, what do you have? Happenis"
"What's heavier: a ton of gold or a ton of feathers? The feathers. The gold's weight is measured using the Troy measurement system in which an ounce is 12 ""regular"" ounces. The more you know..."
"I've added Paul Walker on Xbox Live But he's always stuck on the dashboard."
"How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? Hold on, I'll ask"
"Don't have phone sex.... You could get hearing aids."
"[Freddy Krueger enters my dream but I'm blasting Rebecca Black on repeat] Who's nightmare is it now Freddy?!"
"Trump & Clinton Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are stuck on a boat. Who survives? America."