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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to open up an opticians that also sells jewellery and handbags It'll be called Assess your eyes."

"I will ride you like a helicopter. Totally out of control."

"Why is Antarctica controversial? It's a polarizing topic."

"How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle? Somebody took a corner!"

"Thanks phone, for being strong every time I dropped you."

"I'm shaking what my momma gave me. It's the most darling snowglobe I've ever seen. LOOK AT IT."

"Where do war generals make decisions? In a think tank"

"How do you subdue a large snake? You use a boa restrictor"

"I hope when you get to heaven, they give you a photo album with all the pictures you're in the background of."

"Do you, Charles Manson, take this woman who is clearly more insane than you to be your lawful wedded wife?"