193483

Joke of the Day

"I'm going to open up an opticians that also sells jewellery and handbags It'll be called Assess your eyes."

"Why did the Italian get thrown out of the hotel? He said ""I wanna two sheet onna the bed""."

"Sweat pants & Uggs in public says ""and I didn't brush my teeth, either."""

"When do elephants have eight feet? When there are two of them."

"My husband asks too many questions. ""Who is Steve?"" ""Why does he call all the time?"" ""What's this bill for a hotel room?"""

"My gran keeps banging on about the dangers of the modern world, apparently when she was young she never had to secure her back entrance. What a slag."

"The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it."

"7yo: Let's not talk ALL day today 6yo: Ok! Me: *holy shit yessss* 7yo: LET'S ONLY WHISTLE AND CLAP INSTEAD Me: Right. Of course."

"Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight & the pointer keeps gliding back & forth between the H & the A. It's been over an hour."

"What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike? An Ethiopian"