192977

Joke of the Day

"BRAAAAIDS -zombie sleepover"

"Did this dude really just say, ""Why don't you make like a tree and leaf"" to me? Fuck you. Why don't you make like a toilet and eat shit?"

"What's the difference between a battery and a women? The Battery has a positive side."

"What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator was opened? ""Close that damn door! Can't you see I'm dressing??"""

"How'd you sleep last night? Like God during the holocaust."

"What did the police man say when he arrested the remote control that beat up his wife? 'I charge you with battery'"

"Some people just have a way with words... ...and other people ... oh ... not have way."

"Hey check out this new candle I got. -Sweet. What flavor is it? I think you mean 'what scent is it?' *with a mouthful of candle wax* -What?"

"Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the day... Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"If I had a nickle for every time I heard the word Diversity at the Oscars.. I still wouldn't give a shit."