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Joke of the Day

"*pulls away from kissing my girlfriend's twin* TWIN: she'll never find out about us ME: thanks dude you're a trustworthy guy"

"I will work for Apple But I take bananas too. Or just any food. Please."

"We should hold a reddit-wide vote on whether or not to bring back the upvote/downvote counter. But how will we count the votes?"

"I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I've tripping all day."

"Resolva qualquer problema. E simples... escreva qual o problema e clique em resolver http://www.splitz.com.br/problem http://www.splitz.com.br/problem"

"Sometimes me and my brothers used to mess with grandpa. Once we asked him if he knew what a sex tape was. He nodded thoughtfully. 'Sex tapes? Sure, we have those, but your grandmother prefers cuffs.'"

"wish hard enough & anything can happen, they say. yet two hours later my stomach growls & my breakfast still isn't making itself. liars!"

"Already resenting that I have to wake up tomorrow."

"Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu? so he could flip the bird"

"Important Message for Every MAN if you MARRY ONE WOMAN She will fight with you... But if you MARRY TWO WOMAN they will fight for you :D So! Think Different... Add Wife... Have Life... ;)"