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Joke of the Day

"Billionaire: I'd like to do something about crime. Butler: Being poor, I've got some great ideas-- Billionaire: I want to dress as a bat."

"What was the name of the film about a killer lion that swam underwater ? 'Claws.'"

"The voices in my head have been quiet for a while. They probably broke something."

"My neighbours just submitted a petition that I stop setting traps for stray pigs after I caught my 16th police man today."

"What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? One pulls rabbits out of hats and the other pulls habits out of rats."

"If she's naming your wedding album on facebook ""wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!"" she's too young for you bro."

"At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die"

"Hey, new Beatles fans! The fuck have you been doing for the last 50 years? Every record shop would like to know before they close forever."

"Who said chivalry is dead, I open the door at least a hundred times a day for my cat and dogs."

"Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course? Because it's a crime to drink and drive."