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Joke of the Day

"I like my women how I like my golf scores... Low 80's with a slight handicapp"

"My wife has two weeks left to live... Then I'm going to stab her."

"Sure I'll join your Cause on Facebook...Right after I jump out of an airplane without a parachute..."

"Me: If I have $45 and your mother has $15, how much money does your mom have? 6yo: $60 Me: That's correct, son."

"Printing... Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"Did ya hear that the price of coal is so high Santa can't afford to give it away anymore? All of the bad kids are stuck trying to steal oil."

"When I was younger MTV actually played videos. That's what the M stands for. Music. Not Maternity, Motherhood or Moron."

"Every minute in america... Costs you 5 dollars."

"I live in constant fear that someone will abduct my mother in law at 35 Ash Street, London, Flat 2, door is sticky buzz Carol to let you in."

"A doctor, an Englishman, a lawyer, an Irishman, a priest, a Scotsman, a cop, a midget, a fireman and a blonde walk into a bar.... The bartender says, ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""