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Joke of the Day

"Church of Frugality: ""Thank you for the food which we are about to receive. Ramen."""

"""A pirate with no p... is irate!"" Friday is International talk Like a Pirate Day!"

"I did a self defense course I would't recommend anyone to attack me in slow motion"

"On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance."

"Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives? Because they'll worship the ground you walk on."

"Everyone lies on their resume but I fear I may have gone overboard with 'immortal' and 'shoots lasers from eyes' and 'hardworking'."

"3 legged bear..... There was a 3 legged bear in the woods, sad as it was he ran into a one legged bear from Alaska - he was the 3 legged bears polar opposite."

"Bae: Come over. Romeo: Can't. You're a Capulet, I'm a Montague. Bae: Deny thy father and refuse thy name; come over. Romeo: Also, you're 13."

"What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common? They both worry about the position of colons."

"I just realized the Dictionary.com app on my phone, reads out any word I type, including 'penis'. I can't wait for that meeting tomorrow."