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Joke of the Day

"Drove past a Graveyard today... How many people are dead in there? my father says... i go unno? He says "" All of em"" dadjoked. It was 1998."

"(NSFW) What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your way into a girls butthole."

"I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready."

"I've gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn't gonna get arrested all by itself."

"What's it like never being flaccid? Hard."

"[Target cashier stares at my fingerless gloves] Ah, couldn't help notice you were admiring my hand vests."

"What do you call an Asian prize fighter who's dad has a serious case of diarrhea? A slap happy jappy with a crap happy pappy"

"Friend: I love FB but it's gettin a lil boring. Me: Well that's cause all the cool peeps are on Twi- ..uh are all dead. Yeah they all died."

"I was bit by a rattlesnake last summer. After three days of excruciating pain the snake died"

"Harry Potter is actually an allegory about the emptiness of millennial hook up culture"