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Joke of the Day

"That ""dammit"" moment when you forget to take your phone to the toilet so you just sit there like ""Now what do I do...?"""

"P Diddy or P Didn't he?"

"Victim (to mugger): But my watch isn't any good it only has sentimental value. Mugger: That's all right. I'm sentimental."

"Hey Guys, I don't have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water."

"I slept with a girl who was so fat I had to roll her around in flour to find the wet spot"

"My penis and I are really good friends but... We've never really seen eye to eye"

"I love the way the Earth rotates... It really makes my day"

"Whats an African dad joke? Hi starving! I'm dad!"

"My Grandfather has the heart of a lion... and a lifetime ban from the local zoo."

"What did water say when it found out hydrogen is a diatomic? H2? Oh!"