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Joke of the Day
"My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday."
Next Joke
"Doctor: ""I have the results of your test. You're gonna have to stop masturbating."" Me: ""Oh no! Why doctor?"" Doctor: ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""
"Whenever a bird shits on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on front of my porch just to let them know what I am capable of"
"What's the difference between a hammer and a mallet? I don't remember the rest of the joke, but your mother's a whore."
"Why does being a Chinese knight suck? Because everyone always aims for the chink in the armor."
"Two Nuns are Bike Riding Through Town... One looks to the other, says, ""I've never came this way before!"", to which she replies ""Yeah I know! It's gotta be the cobblestones."""
"My wife is so ugly... Our towels say ""His"" and ""Its""!"
"What do you call a German jerk? Deutschebag"
"I came across Jenny's number! 867-5309"
"Apparently, Emma Watson is to star in the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. If this turns out to be true, by the end of that movie my peni$ will be fifty shades of purple."