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Joke of the Day

"What should you never give to a Jewish person as a present? A dustpan."

"Why did the New Yorker sleep under an oil tank? He wanted to wake up oily."

"I love you all so much right now because alcohol."

"You wouldn't believe me after reading my TL but my 1st language actually is English"

"I can turn anything into a boomerang just by throwing it straight up"

"MAGICIAN: think of a card! ME: ok. MAGICIAN: is... this ur card? [holds up card that says ""UGH I HATE MAGIC SHOWS THIS IS CRAP""] ME: holy crap"

"Why can't orphans play baseball? they don't know where home is"

"My wife and I have started aggressively planning for our retirement, and by that I mean we're playing the lottery 3-5 times per week."

"Two cannibals are eating a clown One says to the other, ""does this taste funny to you""?"

"I couldn't tell if something on the ground was a ball of animal poop or a rock Nudged it with my foot. It was a rock. That was my risky kick for the day."