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Joke of the Day

"I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...so far, all it's been doing is gathering dust..."

"Kim Kardashian wore white at her wedding. That's it. That's the joke."

"Look sad dragging a kite on the ground at the park and sometimes people will let you join their picnic."

"Why wouldn't you laugh at punch lines in a circle-jerk? You'd see them coming."

"So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree... ...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?"

"I jumped into the pool with my iPhone.... It's syncing now"

"I warned everyone that I take charades seriously and now three people are crying"

"The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie."

"I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would've been a lot more interesting."

"Sexual Pun Joke for Guitarists She wants the D...major. So I picked her up in a barre. Fingering was much easier that way. And yeah, the fingering was easier, but there's always strings attached."