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Joke of the Day

"There's this sketchy joint downtown named ""The Disco"" ... ... I hear it causes a lot of panic!"

"My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks..."

"Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Nah, that would be too long anyway."

"That awkward moment when someone is cooking fish in the office and all the girls begin sniffing themselves."

"I am a simple man with simple jokes. A tumblrite came up to me and told me I needed to respect her being a pansexual. I said ""why do you want to fuck bread? You'll get a yeast infection."""

"So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper."

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says ""why the long face?"" The horse says ""oh...well my leg is really messed up, so tomorrow they are gunna shoot me in the fuckin head"""

"Me: I'm not going to drink in 2017 *in hospital 3 days later* Doctor: You have to drink water you idiot"

"[tweets about one side of an issue to my followers who all agree with me already] hell yes I'm making a difference"

"Coffee is a gateway drug. You end up stirring liquid with increasingly larger sticks until eventually you're paddling a kayak."