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Joke of the Day

"God...= I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness."

"My stages of drunk: 1) onstage 2) backstage 3) hostage"

"Bras are like the illuminati They're on top, hard to see, harder to unlock, and hold all the good stuff."

"""Hey baby ditch the zero *stares silently until lenses transition into sunglasses* and get with the hero."""

"I asked my friend ""Do you know any other word for a big rock?"" He said ""Boulder?"" I said **""Do you know any other word for a big rock?""**"

"This relationship is over. Over. ~dumping someone via walkie talkie."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple ""Thank you"" would be nice... ...None of that ""How did you get into my house?"" business."

"Why did the snowman have a smile on his face? Because the snowblower was coming down the block."

"Did you hear about the production delays at that company that makes scales using lengthy pipes? They had really long weights."

"The worlds best chat-up line: ""I like my women how I like my coffee... Either cheap and bitter or ground up and in the freezer."""