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Joke of the Day

"Just got bit by a black widow... People are fucking crazy."

"[True Love's gf on 7th day of Christmas, forcing smile] awww Swans! how sweet! thx hon, these 7 birds will go nicely with the other 16 birds"

"""Getting real tired of your crap..."" Said no dung beetle ever."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garabonzo bean? I don't have a garabonzo bean in my garage because that's where I get pee'd on so there is tarps everywhere."

"I tried fixing my vacuum the other day on my own... now it sucks even more!"

"I still keep my old Blackberry on me in case I get mugged and the person's like ""HAND ME YOUR PHONE!"""

"What do tofu and dildos have in common? They serve as makeshift substitutes for people who have forsaken meat."

"I could never cheat in a relationship... Because that would require two people to find me attractive."

"Morrissey has cancer I know, I know, it's serious."

"Most offensive one liner joke I know.. So I was eating this bitch out the other day and I tasted horse semen so I looked up and said, ""Ooooooh grandma that's how you died."""