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Joke of the Day

"How many librarians does it take to screw in a light bulb? ""I don't know but I can look it up for you."""

"Why couldn't Snape be a Herbology teacher? Because he wasn't able to keep the Lilies alive."

"[Voice from police helicopter] PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR! *raises hands* *takes flattering selfie in helicopter spotlight* *uploads new avi*"

"What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks? Milk and quackers."

"Ron Burgundy recently upgraded his car straight from junker status to luxury SUV. Well that Escaladed quickly."

"u mad bro? or just disappointed bro?"

"It may have looked like I was doing crunches but I was just trying to get up."

"I always keep a picture of my wife and children in my wallet. It reminds me why there's no money in there."

"""HEY I KNOW YOU'RE PROBABLY ASLEEP & STUFF, BUT I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT I'M LIKE 22 MILES AWAY FROM YOUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW."" -Trains"

"A photon stops at a hotel and is asked: ""May I take your luggage?"" He replies, ""No, thanks. I'm traveling light."""