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Joke of the Day
"""Oh hey there, didn't recognize you with your cap on,"" I say flirtatiously to my toothpaste."
Next Joke
"Just once I want to see a highway raised by its loving biological parents."
"""It says here you're very sarcastic?"" Actually it says sadistic ""why would you put that on a resume?"" I was being sarcastic"
"*throws up gang signs* ""Ew gross, I don't remember eating that."""
"Go to JebBush.com He lost his domain and Donald Trump bought it."
"ME: Who is your favourite philosopher? PROFESSOR: It's Hume. ME: Sorry - whom is your favourite philosopher?"
"Did you hear about the sorcerer that turns people into prostitutes? He's whorifying!"
"I'm going to a medieval wedding and I need some one liners."
"For some people, blood on the toothbrush is a sign of gum disease.... ...But for me it's a sign of a healthy abortion."
"What do you call an Australian singer who was born in Australia? Aussie Aus-born."