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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a bored boyfriend following his girlfriend around while she picks out clothes to try on I whisper ""I'd never do that to you"""

"Sorry, my dog ate your text message."

"That moment where you playfully punch a kid in the grocery store, and only afterwards realize it wasn't yours."

"Considered having a one night stand last night just for the funny census results Then I remembered I'm unattractive"

"At first I didn't like my new haircut But it's starting to grow on me"

"A man was caught peeing in public by a police officer. The cop's only reaction was... ""Urine trouble now."""

"When Chuck Norris is pulled over, cops show him their IDs"

"Ah, I love self-deprecating humor. That's one more thing that won't love me back."

"Why does the baker bake? Because he kneads the dough."

"A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."