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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a bored boyfriend following his girlfriend around while she picks out clothes to try on I whisper ""I'd never do that to you"""

"How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? When your writing becomes visible."

"Amnesia I was going to tell a joke about amnesia, but I forgot what it was."

"I changed my relationship status to ""I'm sharpening my knives"" on Facebook so my boyfriend's family will never come visit"

"Why couldn't the hipster get off? He'd only masturbate before it was hard!"

"Me and my wife, we have decided that we don't want kids. They are not gonna like it."

"I think it would be totes adorbz if I throat punched you the next time you say 'totes adorbz'"

"Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand."

"How do you know a black man has been on your computer. It's not there."

"Husband and wife near wishing well. Suddenly wife slips and fell in the well. Terrified husband: Noooooooooo...I can't believe it's working!"