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Joke of the Day

"My friend's in a wheelchair and he acts like he's the toughest guy around. He can talk the talk, but..."

"Who doesn't want to be a millionaire? Well, certainly not a billionaire."

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."

"If my entire family died but there was pizza at the wake, a part of me would still be like ""yay pizza"""

"When my kids get too loud in our minivan I simply race over the nearest speedbump to make them bite their tongues."

"I'm reading a book about anti-gravity **It's impossible to put down**"

"What do you call a farmer in the army? E.I. G.I Joe."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"What's common between a crying baby and a gun? You must not bring either to the movies."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? a gun only has one trigger"