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Joke of the Day

"I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I want is people making eye contact with me."

"[on a first date] ""Have [gestures across the whole menu] whatever you want. I hear the McRib is particularly excellent this time of year."""

"Hungry? The hell with a snickers. Look to her cleavage, you'll find at least two snacks there and maybe some stray popcorn."

"I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I shoulda cooked it at aloha temperature."

"After Oprah lost all that weight....... .....she was just a Phantom of the Oprah!"

"North Koreans are huge Dark Souls fans They spend all their time praisin' the son."

"How much does the average gay man ejaculate? I don't know but I hear it's an assload."

"The debate should just be held here The joke should be in the comments"

"What do Netflix and diarrhea have in common?......... Both stream instantly."

"My doctor told me if I was 5"" taller I'd be at the ideal weight, so I'm going to try and give that a shot."