190854

Joke of the Day

"[phone call] KIDNAPPER: We're gonna kill your wife if you don't pay ME: *making wind noises* I CAN'T HEAR YOU I'M GOING THROUGH A TUNNEL"

"What does Spiderman like to get high on? Mary Jane"

"We've all been talking about your paranoia."

"Two birds flying through the air... Flugen zwei Vogel durch die Luft. Sagt eine zum anderen, ""Vorsicht"" da kommt ein Hub-schrau-schrau-schrrau"

"What fruit can't get married? CANTELOPE"

"I'm a bit worried. I was checking my testicles this morning, and I noticed that one of them... ...is considerably larger than the other two."

"Judge: ""Reason for divorce?"" Me: ""Reconcilable differences."" Judge: ""Don't you mean irreconcilable?"" Me: ""Ugh. You sound just like her."""

"What kind of pastry do you need a thesaurus to eat? Synonym rolls"

"How do you piss off a female archaeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from"

"Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall."