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Joke of the Day

"Bill Clinton said Hillary is clearly the best choice for president... He knows for a fact there is no chance she'll blow it."

"Man comes to psychologist's office He kicks the door open, enters, leans above the desk, and staring psychologist in the eyes says: ""Now, tell me, bald ugly little man, why I don't have any friends?"""

"Voldemort: Knock Knock Harry potter: Who's there? Voldemort: You know. Harry potter: You know who? Voldemort: Exactly!!!"

"Most of being a parent means saying ""Great!!"" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill."

"I could understand Eve's choice to doom all of humanity if she'd been offered nachos. But an apple? My ovaries are not amused."

"Why are none talking in the ladies sauna? They are sitting on their lips!"

"Two greek anarchists are sitting together making molotov cocktails. One says ""so, who are we going to throw these at?"" the other replies: ""what are you, a fucking intellectual?"""

"Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins."

"TIL After years of research, scientists have positively concluded that the most effective way to make your penis bigger is using a magnifying glass"

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."