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Joke of the Day

"Why do people shoot up schools? Because it increases the average IQ of the world. It's a public service."

"DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance."

"Pornhub has banned submissions of the Germany-Brazil game. They don't allow rape videos."

"Some asshole has got my pen is what the nurse said when she noticed she had a rectal thermometer in her pocket. edit: punctuation."

"Seriously, Twitter. Do NOT import my contacts."

"What do you call it when an employee poops in the food at a Chinese restaurant? Shitty wok"

"So a man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap The psychiatrist looks up at him and says "" I can clearly see your nuts"""

"my doctor asked if it burns when I pee. I said only when it gets in my eyes."

"Whats a Neckbeard's favorite city in Spain? M'drid"

"What do you call a female barber? A Bobbitt"