190490

Joke of the Day

"I can't wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and whore? The lawyer can't guarantee to get you off."

"Instead of a happy ending the masseuse gave me an indie movie ending. She stopped suddenly at a random point and left everything unresolved."

"Today I went to a zoo. It was empty except for a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed."

"My mom just got me off of work early. I love when she comes by the office. *Literally just happened"

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? He still hasn't unwrapped his present."

"So my friend came to me for help with his problems, but I really had to go to the bathroom... I left telling him I had shit to do, but really I had a shit to take and no shit to give."

"Me: "" *types in password*, Password Doesn't Work"" ** OMG I'M HACKED**.... *oh wait... never mind, CAPS LOCK WAS ON..*"

"Hi, I'm a German and I'm getting really offended by these Holocaust jokes. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He was stabbed by a Jewish crip he was trying to rape"