190312

Joke of the Day

"I always ask Subway workers if THEY want double meat, then wink. Then I get kicked out."

"Password must contain a capital letter, a number, a plot, a protagonist with some character development, and a surprise ending."

"Ray rice's girlfriend is really hot. She's a knockout!"

"If only politicians kept their campaign promises... like Harrelson keeps his rampart."

"My love is like a candle... Because if you forget about me I will burn your fucking house to the ground."

"Talk to your kids about drugs. Learn which drugs are cool rn. You don't wanna be a nerd parent"

"I hate when people share opinions without being asked."

"Nurse: You can come inside now. *Stands up* *Dusts off jacket* *Straightens bow tie* *Fastens cufflinks* *Ahem* ""That's what she said"""

"If you think colours aren't funny then you lack a sense of hue-mour"

"If I could have dinner with anybody, living or dead, I'd have pizza."