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Joke of the Day

"God, designing a toddler: ya know what would be hilarious would be if it has no ability to reason but talks nonstop. Also make it trip a lot"

"Are you okay? You seem stupid."

"Do you know what really brings your face together? A really bad smell!"

"What is the best music to air drum to while driving? Def Leppard, because you can keep on hand on the wheel."

"If a man named Terry Richards kills you because you insulted him; what did you die of? Dissing Terry."

"Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There's No Dinosaurs In This."

"Easiest way to break into a moble home in a trailer park is to use a can opener."

"I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake"

"What is the prettiest thing about a DC girl? Her resume."

"How did the farmer deal with the stubborn sheep's wool? With shear willpower"