190029

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I feel a conversation is becoming dull, I start talking about sunscreen... because it's topical."

"How often do elements masturbate? Periodically"

"What do you call a penis and a potato on a boats? A dictatorship!"

"""I'll have to report you sir"" said the traffic cop to the speeding driver. ""You were doing 85 miles an hour."" ""Nonsense officer"" declared the driver. ""I've only been in the car for ten minutes."""

"You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?"

"Whats the name of the arachnid playwright?"

"/r/jokes pretends that it has more than 1000x as many subscribers as it actually has... as a joke! http://imgur.com/wYy6m"

"Warring nations should hurl their politicians at each other."

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I'm ok with a 5km but really don't like 10km."

"What cake wanted to rule the world? Attila the Bun."