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Joke of the Day

"""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" ""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" ""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" -every trip to the zoo, ever"

"What do you get when you cross Groot with Santa? A Giving Christmas Tree"

"Dear 70 year old man with the ponytail: stop it."

"Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special."

"Q: How do you make a Venetian blind? A: Stick a finger in his eye."

"What's long, hard and makes a woman moan when erect? An ironing board."

"I wrote a book called My permanently exposed penis'. It's out now."

"My problem is that all food is comfort food"

"Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game."

"Do you know why I stopped playing Uno with my Mexican friends? They steal all the green cards."