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Joke of the Day
"What do a moving bus and a dead vibrator have in common? You can't get off."
Next Joke
"Vanish- The World's Number 1 Stain Remover' Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fucked."
"*releases helium-filled heart balloon* Me: You're free now Balloon: Ima choke a bird"
"Why do we call lady parts beavers? Because they devour wood."
"Girl, are you these plates I recently bought from Wal-Mart? Because I just learned that you're not microwave-safe."
"What is a mattress' favorite season? Spring."
"A black guy and a jewish guy jump off a building, who lands first? who cares."
"me: siri tell me a joke siri: *turns on front facing camera*"
"When I was little, I didn't give a fuck about what to wear. My parents dressed me up. Looking back at some of my old pictures, it seems they didn't give a fuck either."
"Prom night for my 17 year old daughter, or as I like to call it, 'Dad spends the evening sharpening his axe' night."