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Joke of the Day

"I farted in church today..... I farted in church today and four people spun around in their seats and looked at me. I felt like I was on the Voice!"

"Blonde with a twist Q: What do you get when you combine a blonde woman with a physicist? A: Marie Curie"

"Telling my daugthers date that ""she has lice and its very contagious the closer you get to her."" *Correct way to parent."

"(Sexism warning) Yesterday a tree fell on a woman and killed her. What was a tree doing in the kitchen?"

"How many perverts does it take to put in a lightbulb? Only one, but it takes the entire emergency room to get it out."

"Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat."

"What kind of weed do muslims smoke? Quranic"

"What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping Tom? A pick pocket only snatches people's watches. Credit Sanford and Son Edit: Statches"

"My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating... Apparently jealous was not the right answer."

"Idea: a neck tattoo that depicts a man having an unsuccessful job interview because of his neck tattoo"