188951

Joke of the Day

"I missed a call from my mom, so I assume the helicopter that just flew over my house is part of the search crew she called."

"What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Vine, and medical records."

"I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill."

"What made the quality assurance supervisor in an Amazon warehouse laugh? this"

"So today is Earth day on what grounds are we celebrating?"

"When I was a kid my younger cousin always cheated at freeze tag, So I wasn't surprised when I heard he got shot by the cops"

"I just bought some presents for my epileptic girlfriend's birthday Just a few small gifts, nothing too flashy."

"After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is"

"I need to get my shit together. It's in little piles in my kitchen & then there's some more in my wife's closet."

"A Polish guy goes to the eye doctor The doctor holds up a chart: K Z S Y X W K P G and asks the man if he can read it. ""Read it?"" he says, ""I *know* the guy!"""