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Joke of the Day
"My tree went missing..... so I took a picture of it and nailed it to a dog."
Next Joke
"One-percenters and Jimmy Swaggart One-percenters' relationship with politicians is like Jimmy Swaggart's with prostitutes. They pay lots of money to see other people get fucked."
"To all new iPad owners. When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment."
"Never go to a place that has burgers, sushi, chicken wings and donuts on one menu. Never."
"Me: What did she say about me? Friend: She said you ask too many questions Me: She said that? Too many questions? Really? Me? ...What else?"
"What's the difference between Snow White and the Brazil soccer team? Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in."
"Octopus 1:"" Woah. There's an arm just swimming by itself."" Octopus 2:"" that's an eel you idiot."""
"My wife and I used to practice safe sex. Unfortunately they won't let us back in the bank."
"When a drunk girl in her 20s screams, ""Oh my God, I love this song!"", you can be sure that song sucks."
"Money is the root of all evil, until the collection plate comes around"