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Joke of the Day

"The cool thing about being broke is you can tell your friends you aren't drinking for a while & they think you're getting your shit together"

"It's so cold in south florida, I just saw an iguana kill a squirrel and use it as a scarf."

"How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep pan, crisp and even."

"[me narrating a documentary about grasshoppers] And here we see these little liars hopping on sand."

"Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you're done destroying the Earth? 'Cause I assume you've thought that through."

"While walking home from the gym... I saw one of my aerospace engineer buddies at Starbucks. He was buried in his work when I walked next to him and asked, ""bruh, do you even lift?"""

"Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, Bach, Bach, Bach"""

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church? ""No thanks."" Don't judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects... ""WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"""

"How do you call your gay friend With a homophone"