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Joke of the Day

"Two antennas got married. The ceremony was nothing to write home about, but the reception was outstanding."

"A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why don't you play with your friends?' he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'"

"I masturbated in the shower... I just wanted to come clean. Came up with this earlier, I guess it could've been relevant in /r/showerthoughts"

"I'll be a millionaire once I'm done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the internet."

"What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower !"

"I was yelled at after church today, Apparently ""Jeez and crackers"" is not an appropriate name for the Eucharist."

"Son, here is a photo of a naked lady. Please identify the following parts: beanplug, malm, The Crow's Eye, underback, velveeta, DataZone"

"*lives in a crumbling democracy on a slow terrible decline* hellll yes who just got two green lights in a row"

"Which Lord Mayor of London was always on the Internet? Click Whittington"

"""There's an iPhone app that scans your face and tells you how ugly you are.You don't need this. If your phone doesn't ring at all, you're ugly."""