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Joke of the Day

"[explain this joke] Phil Hartman ""what's the word on the street?"" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X2hqdOMxyM&t=9m34s different version http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0500148/quotes?item=qt0199251"

"What's a nymphomaniac's favorite candy bar? Almond joy."

"Why did you drop the baby? Well Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby so I wanted to see if he did."

"Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast."

"Just burned 2000 calories That's the last time I'll leave brownies in the oven while I nap"

"Ok, another Grandfather joke. Just kidding, they're both dead."

"Me: Screw you, Tuesday! Tuesday: I have a boyfriend."

"A shocking new report reveals Donald Trump likes to be peed on by members of his new administration He calls it a Goldman shower"

"Offered the kids $5 to clean so they could learn about money and then didn't pay them so they could learn about randomly trusting people."

"What did the Doctor say to the midget in the waiting room? ""You're going to have to be a little patient"""