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Joke of the Day

"Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential."

"There are 3 reasons for ""Liking"" someone's Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I'm liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you."

"Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep."

"I think I might be a genius! My nephew has a 12 piece jigsaw puzzle that says 3-5 years on the box and I managed to complete it in just 7 hours!"

"I mixed coffee with Red Bull, now I can see the invisible things my kitten pounces on."

"How do you kill a circus? You go for the juggler."

"Idea to help fight the obesity epidemic in America: Force Walmart to keep their parking spaces at least 200 yards from their entrances."

"My best friend was brutally murdered last week Its only now that I can look back and laugh. - Norm Macdonald"

"Why was 9 mad at 0 after winning a game of bingo? Because 0 1 2"

"Pot bellied pigs are gateway pigs to cocaine bellied pigs."