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Joke of the Day

"My dad had a good idea. Sometimes when cars drive by your house they honk at you. But you can't respond. That's where House Horn comes in"

"It is divided in 2 parts - left & right. Unlike others your brain is a master piece, It is divided in 2 parts Left & Right. In left nothing is Right & in right nothing is Left!"

"'gamer' & 'foodie' are bullshit labels because they suggest you are something b/c you passively enjoy something everyone passively enjoys"

"In light of recent events... ...I believe Adrian Peterson should start playing Major League Baseball. He'd be a great *switch* hitter."

"Can't believe my daughter said I was embarrassing her by trying to be cool. She needs to check the tude & stop being so wiggity wiggity wack"

"My right eye is twitching like it's at some kind of techno dance party that the rest of me wasn't invited to."

"I couldn't see my dad anymore after his sex change. He's transparent."

"A blonde gets a tattoo... On her inner thigh of a conch shell. Her friend asks ""Why a conch shell, and why there of all places?"" ""So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."""

"Star Wars Spoilers Woosh Woosh Pewpew Pew Pew"

"*hates you so much replaces everything and everyone you love with a cat* even if you already have a cat, *replaces it with a worse cat*"