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Joke of the Day

"Interviewer: Are you good at programming? Me: Yes, I'm very good at writing nondeterministic C++ programs. Interviewer gives me the job. #nerdjokes"

"How are people from Kentucky like flour? They're inbred."

"What's the #1 song in Ukraine? Crimea River"

"When my grandkid loses his 1st tooth, I'm putting $1 under his pillow and a note that says ""I'll be back with a hammer for the rest. -Tooth Fairy"""

"Forty minutes before we get to the first sex scene in Fifty Shades Of Grey? They do beat around the bush..."

"What does a guy with no friends be for Halloween? Depressed"

"What do you call an immoral lesbian citizen of Rivendell who hosts a talk-variety show and lacks character? An elven degenerate."

"What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic? Going in to ask for a coat hanger"

"I have some frilly pants. They are never on time. It's OK, though... They're late bloomers"

"Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for the rest of his life."