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Joke of the Day

"3 things happened to me today 1. I woke up 2. I met a hot girl 3. I kissed a hot girl But it happened in this order, 1. I met a hot girl 2. I kissed a hot girl 3. I woke up"

"Once got sent to bird prison by confused air marshals"

"I love doing laundry... It's the only time you can separate the whites from the coloreds and no one gets offended."

"A dog says to the other, ""Woof!"" The other replies, ""Moo!"" The first dog is perplexed. He says, ""Moo? Why did you say, Moo?'"" The other dog answers, ""I'm trying to learn a foreign language."""

"My Dad just had a stairlift installed in the house. Its driving him up the wall."

"What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.70 a packet and deer nuts are under a buck"

"What was Jean-Paul Sartre's favorite art form? Exi-stencilism"

"Once Prince dies there will be some freaky shit that comes out like he ate only butterflies or bathed in babies or something. Mark.My.Words."

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"Which three American Generals won the most during the cold war? General Motors, General Electric, and General Dynamics."