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Joke of the Day

"Why are birthday's good for you? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest!"

"They say there are no stupid questions, but in every meeting there is one person who tries to prove this incorrect."

"The suspect was found dead with his genitals inside a jar of peanut butter... Dare I say he was... Fucking nuts."

"I'm about to watch 'Funny or Die' on HBO. Wow. Now I'm nervous.. I hope I laugh.."

"My German friend brought his newly-bought laptop to me... ...and said ""I shouldn't have bought one with a English keyboard. Can you tell me what this is?"" He then pointed at the space bar."

"In every teen body-swap film there's that moment where they look in the mirror & are shocked to see an adult. That's my morning routine now."

"Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth."

"Morning! I was walking through a graveyard yesterday morning, and saw a guy crouched down behind a grave stone. ""Morning!"" I shouted. ""Nah, just taking a shit!"" He responded."

"Use chemicals to remove polish nobody bats an eye Use chemicals to remove Polish and you are literally Hitler."

"I was singing in the gym shower & the girl in the one beside me started singing along & then suddenly my life became this weird, naked duet."