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Joke of the Day

"Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth."

"The nicotine patch is great. I get my addiction out of the hands of the evil tobacco industry and into the loving arms of big pharma."

"Old people poke me at weddings and tell me ""your next"" So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals"

"A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, ""A beer for me, and one for the road."""

"Someone told me I was ""good people"" and I replied ""OMG you can hear them too?"""

"Yesterday one of my patients told me about the time he sat on his testicles... It was nuts."

"When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since"

"What is Trump's favourite movie? Wall-E."

"I once met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds weird.... ...Dozen tit?"

"What song to snakes like to sing ? Viva Aspana !"