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Joke of the Day

"Eating at a T.G.I. Fridays on a Monday tastes like lies."

"To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office... ..I will find you. You have my Word. --- Edit: 1000 upvotes. Of course it would be on a self post. :( Thanks though. <3"

"I remain convinced that the only people who can gracefully sprint in stilettos are prostitutes."

"What is a Redneck virgin? A 7-year-old that can run faster than her brothers!"

"What's the worst part about eating out a grandma? Have you ever pulled apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Hello! my name is Linus Q: What do you call a person who has lost all hope? ------------------------------------------------------------- A: Linus"

"what do you call dried cum? sement"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish."

"[text] H: I'm at Lowes, how wide is the door frame? M: I measured, it's 35 and then 3 little lines after a big long line."

"I don't get why supermodels are considered attractive. I mean they have the body of a 12 year old boy, but the face isn't as sexy."