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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a crossdressing nanny in Martha's Vineyard? A Nantucket."

"Did you hear about that actress that got stabbed the other day? What was her name, Reese... > Witherspoon? No, it was with a knife."

"*Gets 500 word angry text from ex *responds, you mad bro?"

"The three words most hated by men during sex? ""Are you In?"" or ""Is It In?"""

"Employer: ""In this job we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."""

"How did the orphans in Oliver Twist communicate with each other? Through *more*se code!"

"Look. If we're going with redundancies like ""tunafish"", I'll just have my beefmeat and be done with it."

"ATTENTION TARGET SHOPPERS THERE IS A VAN PARKED OUTSIDE WITH A FLAMING UNICORN PAINTED ON IT WOULD THE OWNER PLEASE COME UP FRONT FOR A HI 5"

"Our kids lost all the Monopoly pieces so we use a cigarette butt, a high-heeled shoe, a rotten molar, and a loaded handgun."

"Nothing says 'neighbours' quite like stealing each others WiFi"