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Joke of the Day

"I am listening carefully, but let's be honest, your menu options haven't changed."

"My ex talked me into marriage I mean, she was my girlfriend before she became my wife"

"Two astronauts went to a bar on the moon but they left after a few minutes ? You see it had no atmosphere !"

"What do you call a waterfall that flows upwards? Viagra falls!"

"Cheezus take the wheel! *bud um sch*"

"hAD SO MYCH COFFEE WHO wantS TO HELP ME STOP KONY LETS GO LETS STEAL A CAR BRO CMON"

"So i was sitting on the toilet today... Nah it's a shit joke, nevermind"

"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"

"Did you heard about the elephant that was a hoarder? He had a lot of junk in the trunk. Come on, be easy on me, I made that up myself while staring at elephants at the zoo yesterday."

"Two sausages in a pan; one says to the other ""It's hot in here isn't it?"" ...the other one turns round and says ""FUCK ME! A talking sausage!"""