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Joke of the Day

"Automatic flusher Automatic soap dispenser Automatic sink Automatic paper towel dispenser N O W T O U C H T H E D O O R H A N D L E"

"It's that time of year. Can't stop eating cornucopias."

"I feel pretty smart until I realize the wild ducks I'm surprised by on my neighbor's lawn are metal lawn ornaments he's had for 5 years."

"What do you call a gay Nobel Prize Laureate in a blender? A homogeneous mixture."

"My girlfriend said she will leave me unless I stop pretending to be a hotel... I said, 'but you can never leave!' 'You can check out anytime you like'."

"Women who seek to be equal to men...LACK AMBITION!"

"What did Cindarella say when she got to the ball? Gluk gluk gluk (say it out loud)"

"just mowed the backyard [idiot mocking voice] ""but deg what will u do this weekend?"" hell, the way it grows i'll be able to mow sunday idiot"

"How to rid yourself of geeks [**star wars spoilers**] thats how"

"After Israel threatened to take the Security Council vote as an act of war, the New Zealand Ambassador called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.... ...Picking up the phone, he spoke ""Hebrew."""